It's okay
by lieze
Summary: 3 chapters, 3 years, 3 of those days...and now it's over. But it's okay. They'll be okay.
1. 1st Year

Author's note: I know, it's a little late to be writin about Valentines' Day, but this was written on Valentines' Day itself, just that I couldn't find the file for a really long time, ^_^. The characters in this fanfic don't have names, 'cos they were inspired by lots of anime, and also by two songs, "Scarlet" of ANC and Sakura's (from StreetFighter) theme song. Oh well, enjoy, can't say it's perfectly good, 'cos I'm no proffesional, and this was written during school hours, when one has to rush. Gomen. R&R please. ^_^  
  
Title: It's okay...  
  
What a clear blue sky it was. Everything seemed so beautiful on that wonderful day, on Valentines' Day. Romantic thoughts and words filled the air, and couples were soon seen on the streets walking hand in hand, or kissing on benches in the park. It was peaceful and quiet.  
  
And in her room, ready to go for lunch, was her. She was dressed in plain clothes, the clothes she had worn to almost every place- be it tuition, for outings, to the movies...it was always the same combination of a white shirt and black or brown bermudas.   
  
Finally, her mother called. "Sweetie, come downstairs now. We're going for lunch." She answered with a simple "Yes." and headed for the lift.  
  
In the car, the radio DJ talked about spending the day with your loved ones, her mother talked about eating dinner with her husband...everything she heard was all about love, love, love...  
  
"Hey, why don't all five of us go out for dinner tonight?" the girl suggested. Suddenly, the enthusiastic look on her mother's face vanished.   
"Sorry, I've only reserved a table for two. Sorry."  
"That's alright, Mum. I can go with the other two (her brothers). "  
"Sure, that's a good idea."  
  
Never mind, the girl thought. Let Mum and Dad have a night alone. That would be cool for them. I could always make do with my brothers.  
  
"Hey Sweetie, could you help me send a message to your father? I'm really lousy at doing these things, so..."  
"Sure."   
  
Moving her fingers across the keypad of her mother's handphone, the girl punched in "Happy Valentines' Day, Darling!" and sent it to her father. Within a few minutes, her father called back to thank her mother, who claimed to have been taught by her to send the message to him. Forget it, the girl mumbled. They're happy, and that's good.  
  
After a few minutes of silence, the girl's older brother called to say that he was going out for dinner with his friends and their girlfriends. "Guess you guys are really gonna have a great time, huh?" the girl commented. Her mother didn't hear her. Only a sigh was heard.  
  
Eventually, her mother reached the block of flats where the girl's cousin was living at. "You're gonna be alright eating noddles here, right?" The girl nodded. What else could she say: She could not object and complain like a spoilt brat, her mother was in a happy mood, and she was too filial to spoil it. She could not go out with her brothers who were still in school, and her father was at home, resting.   
  
Her cousin was not at home either. Oh forget it, she thought. Andrea's probably with her friends as well. Finishing her noodles, she waited for her mother to pick her up and send her back home- she was not feeling well and decided to skip her class.  
  
At home, she found her father not in. Switching on the computer, she made a Valentines' Day card for her parents, and made it from her brothers and herself. She always had to include her brothers' names in whatever card she made. It was a family routine.  
  
Soon it was in the evening. The girl had spent the whole afternoon at home, wtaching television, surfing the internet, reading books, lazing around. Suddenly, the door bell rang. It was her mother and older brother. Without even saying "hi", her mother and brother rushed to their rooms and changed into some nice clothes, and went out of the house. It happened too quickly. The girl said nothing, but returned to her room, waiting for her younger brother to return.  
  
Soon he came back, and she asked him cheerfully. "Hey, Bro, wanna go to the usual place for dinner?"   
"Sorry, gotta go. Some of my friends want to have dinner some place else. You can eat with Dad, right? Oh my gosh, look at the time, I'm late. Gotta go, sis, see ya around."  
  
The door slammed in her face unintentionally. Silently, she whispered, "No one's at home."  
  
Walking slowly to the kitchen, she prepared a cup of instant noodles for herself, and ate in front of the television. Thinking about the day's events, she realised there were none that happened to her. She had helped others bring happiness to others, helped them get ready for their Valentines, helped them plan reservations, helped them make cards, helped them buy gifts, but no one said "Thanks."   
  
No one.   
  
But she didn't mind. She was always helping everyone, anyway. She was used to it- the way everyone asked her to things, but when she asked them to help her, none were available. At times, she realised that she wanted some gratitude back, but soon that desire faded. It didn't bother her anymore- it didn't bother her that no one appreciated her help, it didn't make her angry if they did things to upset her and didn't apologise. It didn't make her feel frustrated if they took her kindness for granted. It was perfectly alright.   
  
Perfectly alright...  
  
As she ate her noddles, and watched someone interview couples on the streets about how they would spend Valentines' Day, she found her noddles getting salty, and her eyes getting wet...  
  
But don't worry. She doesn't mind if you don't say "thank you.". She doesn't mind at all.  
  
*end* 


	2. 2nd Year

Author's note: If you read Chapter 1, in which case, I hope you did, then good. Because when I wrote it, exactly a year ago, I didn't expect to write a second chatper. And, well, here it is! Please enjoy and remember to review! ^_^  
  
Title: It's okay...  
Chapter 2: 2nd Year  
  
Here it was again. That day. It was a beautiful day, still, just like the previous year, and everything was fine. Birds were happily chirping in the trees, exchanging their own versions of wishing each other "Happy Valentines' Day". Leaves rustled as they were blown by a gale, circling and dancing gracefully round and round, in search of a resting ground, where they could fall as pairs, and always be together. Couples grew close to each other, as they headed for restaurants, cinemas, parks...anywhere; any place for the both of them to relax and spend quality time with each other for that day, and maybe, for that lifetime.  
  
There she was again. Standing by her window, she wasn't consciously staring outside, looking at the busy streets and bustling life. She wasn't really looking specifically at the two lucky people, whose lips met as their eyes were fixed upon the other's. She was only...standing by her window. Waiting for something to happen, perhaps, or perhaps not, because she knew that this day would be the same. She would be left alone. Just like last year.  
  
It wasn't that she was lonely, or that she had no friends to keep her company. It was just that...it was something she didn't understand. All she wanted to was to spend some time with someone. Just some one. And not a large group of girlfriends who would eventually be so pre-occupied with their own shopping and boyfriends that she'd be left out in the end. Entirely. Her so-called friends would always be busy with other things, even when they were going out together. She didn't crave for attention, but all she wanted was to belong. Belong to somewhere, to some place, to some one.   
  
Thinking about this, she knew it wasn't just an assumption, that she knew she was not going to have a pleasant day. It was a fact. A fact that would always remain undeniable till the end of her days. Besides, she knew that what had happened the year before, would definitely happen again this year. 'History always repeats itself.' And so it was.  
  
The loud "brring!" of the telephone startled her. Quickly recovering, she picked up the receiver, and mumbled a soft "Hello".  
  
"Hey, Sweetie! You're still at home? I thought you were going out with your friends? Oh well, anyway, your father and I will be back late tonight, so don't wait up ok? I'm sure your older brother will be too busy clubbing, he probably won't return till tomorrow morning, and the li'l one's staying over at his friend's house, right?"  
  
She hesitated. For an instant, she wondered why her mother, whom she loved so dearly, always had to bring up things that she was trying to forget. She knew her mother was not intentionally rubbing things in, but still, there was a sense of irritation towards her mother...and a sense of loss as well.   
  
Yes, she was lost, not knowing where to head from this small, tiny island she stood on. Surrounding the island were vast amounts of seawater, and absolutely no way out. In her hand, she held a plain-looking seashell, which she had picked up by the shore. It was the only object she could find besides sand, plants, and...that was it. Day by day, she watched the horizon as ships passed this unnoticable island. When she sat by the shore, she saw tiny shoals of fish swimming around freely and quickly. 'Where were they rushing to?' was usually the question in mind. But to her, the only inquiry she wanted to make was 'Why are they all in groups, and I am not?' If only, if only she could find the owner of the seashell, if only he would come to save her and take her away, then...  
  
"Sweetie? You there?"  
  
Again, she was startled. Her eyes widened, as if she were trying not to fall asleep, or wander too far away from reality. She apologised.  
  
"Sorry, Mom. I was...I was just thinking about something. It's nothing, anyway. Yes, he did say he was staying over at his friend's house for one more night."  
  
And before her mother could ask her the very same question she had asked a year ago, she quickly filled in another sentence.  
  
"I'll be alright by myself. Don't worry, Mom. Hope you and Dad have a great time!"  
  
The false confirmation of an unconvincing remark.  
  
Hanging up, she slumped down on her bed. Suddenly, an acute rage surged through her. Don't ask me if I'm alright! Why do you want to know, when you're going to have a good time, and I'm not?! The thoughts raced past her mind. You're not the one who's going to be all alone! You're not the one who has to go through what I am going through! What makes you think I won't be alright?! I'll be fine! I'll show you! I'll be just fine! And YOU can't make me feel bad about me being left out and lonely and alone and sad and...   
  
Her train of thoughts came to a stop. Passengers swarmed out of the train, until it was empty, and until she calmed down. Her breathing rate was increased, her face felt hot and flushed, and her eyes...they were in the same condition as they were last year- On the brink of becoming drenched with endless streams of the very same water that surrounded her island.  
  
She reprimanded herself for thinking ridiculously. Her mother was definitely not like that. Her mother was a good, kind-hearted person, who cared for her children, which included her. It was wrong to blame her mother for her own...no, it was wrong to blame her mother for her being...no, it was wrong to blame her mother...blame her mother for...causing her to be...  
  
She couldn't say those words in her head. The two words were so harmless, as words, but to her, their meaning held all her emotions together. She couldn't admit it. She couldn't bring herself to admit it at all- that she was Alone, and Lonely...that she was really not okay.   
  
"I am really not okay."  
  
The thought resounded and echoed continuously, as if she had said it to the mouth of a deep, dark cave, where sound was amplified and multiplied numerous times, before bouncing right back into her. Right smack into her face, forcing her to face the truth.   
  
She ran out of her house and into what was meant to be a warm, soothing evening for lovers to remain as lovers, and for new couples to arrive, their love story opening with a grand introduction on this Valentines' Day. Only the thing was, she was out of the picture.  
  
Running and running, her legs would not cease to move even though she was thoroughly exhausted. Panting heavily and sweating profusely, she was too full of fatigue that she didn't see the person she had bumped head-on into. The impact almost seemed to throw her toward the wet ground, but she was caught in time with a single, swift move, by him, the young man.  
  
Realising what she had done, she apologised repeatedly, and was about to walk on when she felt his grip still on her arm. She turned to him, and made a gesture towards her arm, implying that he could let go, because she was alright. But he wouldn't let go. Instead, his hand slided down her arm and holding her hand, he led her away from the scene to a quieter area of the street.  
  
She had been afraid, as he pulled her away, without saying a word. Somewhere in her, she felt that she was in trouble, because she had bumped into the wrong person. But in another part of her, more specifically, her most helpful legs, she could not stop following him. Puzzled, she finally asked, "Where are you taking me?"  
  
This time, he stopped and turned to look deep into her eyes. Then, as if he saw something embarrassing on her face, he looked away, and handed her a handkerchief.   
  
"Here," he whispered, as if it would hurt less if he spoke to her softly. "Wipe away your tears."  
  
Standing there, her hands covered her mouth in shock, preventing the moan from escaping. But there was nothing to hold her tears back. They just fell. Just like that.  
And then she realised that she had been crying all along, ever since she left the house.  
  
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."   
  
She couldn't speak properly; her words were blurred as her vision was too. The man smiled and consoled her.   
  
"I don't know what happened to you, but it's okay, now. So, don't worry..."  
  
And then the realisation came to her. It arrived so subtly, she could not help laughing. For the first time, on that Valentines' Day, she laughed out loud with all her heart.  
  
And for the first time, she had found the owner of the seashell.   
  
-end- 


	3. 3rd Year

Author's note: Here is the third chapter of this Valentines' Day 'series' that unintentionally started 2 years ago. I'm not sure if this is a finale, we'll just have to see if I write anything next year, then! But for now, please enjoy this one!  
Title: It's okay...

Chapter 3: 3rd Year

The weather on this year's Valentines' Day was near-perfect. It was sunny yet cool; Breezy yet warm; after all, Love was in the air - it was everywhere, especially in people's hearts. And on that day a year ago, two seemingly lost souls had finally met. They were from two very different walks of life, but through the days they had grown close to each other; they had fallen in love. Love had bonded them so tightly together, people saw that they would never let go of the special relationship they shared. They would never let go.

And there he was, standing absolutely still. The grass around him had not been cut for months, and now they grew as tall as up to his knee. Although the weather was beautiful, the atmosphere was not - at least that was how it was like to him, where he stood. It was stale and humid, and he was prespiring profusely. The weather was not hot, and a soft breeze was blowing, but it was not strong enough to lift his heavy heart. No, it would never be enough.

Standing there with a bouquet of fresh flowers in his hand, he began to reminisce. When he had first met her, it was entirely unintentional. She had accidentally bumped into him, but when he looked at her eyes, searching for any apologetic expression, he only found tears. Immediately feeling sorry for her, he led her away from the crowd, and offered her his handkerchief. He had comforted her, and tried to make her feel better about being alone on Valentines' Day. After all, he was alone as well, and had been aimlessly wandering the streets before she bumped into him.

Yes...that was how he had been spending his Valentines' Day...no, that was how he had been spending every day. Alone. Solitary. It wasn't that he was unfriendly, or that he lacked social skills, or that he didn't want company, or that he was of horrible character, or anything - he didn't even know why he was always by himself. Most of the time, when he stopped day-dreaming and realised that he was in fact alone, he didn't really mind. After all, he wasn't one to take pity on himself and feel that his whole life was a mess because he didn't have anyone to talk to. But at times, especially on one of those cold, winter nights, he felt nothing but lonely.

That was until he met her, of course. After he met her, everything changed. He became much happier; he felt blessed. Who could have ever imagined that a girl who would accidentally bump into him would turn out to be the love of his life? Their love wasn't even rushed or forced. And it didn't just happen at first sight. Their love was built on friendship that developed further. Since that day, they had both knowingly and unknowingly found ways to meet up again and simply talk. Gradually, they knew everything about each other, and by then, they had already fallen into the abyss of love.

Still standing there, he recalls when they had a minor quarrel. After both parties walked off separate ways in the heat of the argument, they began to regret it. They felt so terrible for having been insensitive to each other, and they wanted to make it up right away. That was one of the times when they realised time and again that they were so in love. It almost seemed as if they were in love forever, and would continue being in love for eternity, never to be separated...

His thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the screeching of a car trying to brake. The car had been going way off the speed limit, and had swerved recklessly to the road shoulder and was speeding off...only to find that at the pedestrian crossing was a young couple. Desperately trying to brake, he only merely retarded the entire motion of smashing the girl, causing her already broken body to be flung a few metres away. The blood that flowed endlessly from her wounds was as red as the car's exterior and as excessive as the blood in the Nile.

People say it was a miracle the boy was not seriously injured. It turns out he had missed death by just a few inches, as the girl was right in front of the car...and he was not. Yes, he was not dead, then, at least; he was there, standing silently still as he was for the past hour. Only this time, it wasn't beads of sweat that flowed from down his cheeks and dripped from his chin. Trying to regain his composure, he wiped his eyes with his palms and took a deep breath.

Kneeling down, he places the flowers by her tombstone. As he does so, he sees her beautiful name etched into the stone, never to be erased. He reaches out to the letters and feels every depression it makes into the stone. Flashbacks keep appearing in his mind, and he can't control himself anymore. He gives in and the tears fall rapidly...before he knows it, he has collapsed to the grass, crying and crying and crying... ...

"I tried to join you!" His voice is hoarse and exasperated. "I wanted so much to be with you again...even if we were dead! But...why am I still here! WHY! Somebody, anybody, tell me!"

He hears the grass rustling. A woman in her mid-fifties approahes. She doesn't see him but instead stops before another grave. Tears are already in her tired eyes, and she laments, "My son... I... I just don't know what to say... I...I only pray you are...happy. That you have found her... And that you are finally happy... You were so disturbed after the accident... We all thought you would get over it after a while... But... But...you ran right in front of the other car! You ran right to it! My son...how... I can't... I don't know... I don't know anything anymore..."

Now, he cries again, but this time, he does not cry because of his lost love.

"I don't know anything anymore either... Mom."

-end- 


End file.
